scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk

I don't know who I can trust anymore

When I decided to put a journal and my story on this page, and not amke a seperate page for them like I was going to, I became selective about who in real life I gave the URL to. Sarah had it, because she wasn't interested in the other parts of my page - not that she didn't care about me, but because she respected my privacy, and I trusted her. I can tell when she's lying to me. Tim St had it, because as if he would care what was happening in my life - he only wanted to use the message board. Besides, his internet conmection alays dropped out on him after like, 5 minutes, so no time to get to any of the 'interesting' stuff, and why waste time at my page when he could be spending it someplace else?

Naomi, Goldele and Sarah G all had it at some stage, looked at it once (BEFORE all the 'good' stuff was added), then lost the URL. Tim Sc had it, but he never bothered to look at it.

So why do I get the feeling that someone has been reading my journal?

I gave my page URL, just recently, to another person I know from school. I think I can trust him - well, I could. But I put it on an email I sent to him at Uni, and I thought that anyway, he wouldn't be able to access the world wide web on those computrers at the uni anyway, like the ones at mine, so my journal and all that was safe.

Then on Tuesday, I logged onto the net, looked at my page, and opened NetStat and checked out the URL's there in the ReferStat. One of the links came from an Adelaide Uni student - a link from his account. Hmmm. It surprised me at first, and I was...well, pleasently pleased, actually, because I didn't even think he'd be interested in checking out my site. But then I was thinking. Hang on. I mean, the journal and my story are probably the most interesting things on my page - the things that reveal the most about me. I have keep out signs to anyone who knows me in real life - but to some, keep out signs are like invitations to read the stuff that's hidden there. Anyway, I thought, like, he probably didn't read any of it - after all, he was at uni, and as if he would have time to browse through my site. The next day, the link wasn't there anymore.

Then last night - Friday - I went through the same routine again, and found...the link was back. And ReferStat only records the last 25, right? I mean, people have to return from that link for the URL to show up, and only if it was one of the last URLs that people come from.

Well, that got me wondering. Thinking. Questioning. Why did he return? What did he read? Did he read my journal? I guess I don't really care if he read my story - I guess I wanted to talk to him about it anyway. But this journal...hell, I don't want him to know how I felt insecure at uni, how I was worried that our friendship would be affected by that note I sent him...Just stuff.

I don't know for sure if he saw any of this page - I guess I may find out when I see him tomorrow at Kate's barbecue. But, it's the principle of the thing. I know that by putting a journal on here, I'm risking people I know in real life - or even people on the internet - reading stuff that I don't particuarly want them to. That's why I was evasive about giving out my URL to people - only to those who I thought I could trust. And maybe yeah, I am totally over-reacting. But I guess for now, I just wanna e careful of what I put in this journal. Just for a little while, until I can find out for sure what's going on. But it's definately him. His ID number is up the top in the location address when I click on the link!

I really don't want to take this jouranl off, or make it at a secret URL or password protected. I think it's a nuisance, and I want my page to be open to everyone. And I'm not moving locations. I really like Geocities, I'm happy with the service they provide me - PLUS, they just gave us all extra megabytes, so now the total space just for us non-paying, non-featured homesteaders, is 6meg - that's wild! Anyway, I'd have to leave signs everywhere pointing to a new page, and people I know would find it anyway!

But I'm going to stop griping about it because y'all bored. I can tell. But first: Dave, if you're really reading this - please, don't? Or ask me first. Seriously, I don't want you to read my journal. It's not fair. I'm putting my trust in you, but right now, I don't know who I can trust anymore.

Finally, just a few other bits and pieces to finish up my journal entry for the day. I went to Sallea's engagement party this afternoon, it was HOT (36 C), but a great day, and better than I thought it would be. I was very reluctant about going, but I'm glad I did. Some very gorgeous and friendly guys there! But also a good time to just socialise with another group of people rather than just my friends.

Then I got home and found that dad had fixed up ICQ (he was mucking around with it before and it made me mad because I thought I'd have to reload all the people on my list if I remember half of them!), and I got a mail from Geocities - increased disk space! And to top it off, turns out the weather is going to be warmer tomorrow than I thought - a perfect 28 C, and I have the perfect outfit to wear to the barbecue afterall. *grin* What can I say - today's been pretty good! Going to cruise now, I'm about to be disconnected! Seeya (and thanks for reading all my babble!)

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