May 21st, 1999

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

(no subject)

I don't know why I'm writing a journal entry when really right now, I just don't have time to do anything. I think it's another attempt at procrastination - when really, I've procrastinated way too long, and that's what got me into this mess. Although really, it's nothing too spectacular. I think I've just been taking it easy way too long, and now that I really have to work and get myself organised, especially for this weekend, I'm becoming unglued.

So lets see. Okay. First silly thing that I did was to volunteer to be in another drama play this semester. So now I'm working on 2 plays, on top of the usual work load that uni students get (ha). This time, I'm acting, not working behind the scenes like in the other one. I haven't even seen the script yet. The directing student was desperate to get someone in her play - I felt sorry for her, so I volunteered. It's not just rehearsals and the extra time that will take, because I'm at uni during those times anyway, and it's not like I do anything productive in my breaks, except eat and talk to my friends. With all the eating that I've been doing at uni, it's amazing that I'm not putting on any weight. Although I guess it doesn't help that I've stopped eating breakfast. But anyway, that's besides the point. So the rehearsals aren't the problem - it's the little matter of learning lines. The play isn't overly long - about 20 minutes - but there's only me and this guy in it. I play a character that has multiple personality disorder, and basically, she goes a little crazy in the play. Maybe little is an understatement. what is it that the directing student said? "She goes crazy, but she doesnt think she is." Well, this should be fun to play. I only have a couple of weeks to learn the lines too, because the play is being performed in like a month. I think I volunteered because I like to think that when I'm a directing student in a couple of years time, there will be a first year student who will kindly give up some of her time to act in my play that I have to direct. But maybe I'm just being too naive. Maybe I'm trying to make excuses for the fact that I really do want to act. Even though I say that directing is more my forte (which it is), I still like to act.

And then the other play that I'm working on, the one I was directing; and then I got moved to assistant director and lighting person? Well, now I'm stage manager. Which I volunteered to do, yet again. Basically being stage manager means that I have to organise the play. Not direct the actors, or anything like that, but to make sure that the costumes are ready to be used - the props are available - the lighting and sound is set up - the actors are ready to perform - and yada yada yada. It's just a big organisational job. I like to think that I CAN do this, that I AM organised enough to get this whole play ready. And I'm sure I can. I'm just not sure if I can do it without having one or two nervous breakdowns. I feel the pressure of it all already.

And then there's homework to do this weekend, essays and shit. Damn, I knew I shouldn't have left it to the last moment to do them, but I always say that. But you know...I HAVE to get them done. It's not like I have a choice. So therefore, I will do them. They might not be good, but they will be done. As long as I pass.

Tomorrow is the party at Daniel's place, and I'm going to Daniel's early in the afternoon. See? Daniel really hasn't forgotten about me. I just need to be convinced of that every now and then. And while I'm looking forward to the party and everything else and seeing people that I haven't seen in ages, I'm trying to work out if I have time enough to do everything else this weekend. Because on Sunday, I have a drama rehearsal. But you know what? I don't think any of this is worth reporting on, so maybe I should just change the topic.

I went to this party last Saturday night, an 18th. God it was funny. These guys that I met there were trying to teach me self-defense, like how to punch properly, how to break out of a grip if someone is holding onto my wrists, how to twist someone's arm around if they're holding a knife to attack me with, where to punch if someone is attacking me. That was amusing. The guys (Sean and Chad) were like, "now you know what to do if you're with a guy you don't like and he tries to hurt you". How sweet. They said that I should do a self-defense course as well, which maybe one day I'll do. It would be nice to know exactly what to do if I was going to be attacked. I told Greg about the guys, and he accused me of flirting with them. So what's his point?! I had fun anyway.

My throat is sore. I can hardly talk properly. I told my friends that I wasn't going to drink alcohol tomorrow night at Daniel's party because the last thing I need this weekend is a hangover...they didn't believe me. Heh. I think I'll get some JOLT instead, caffeine always did have a better effect on me than alcohol anyway. Jolt makes me go hyperactive. Alcohol just makes me sick. I think right now, I need a serious hit of hyperactivity. Anything to get my mind of all the stress!