February 23rd, 2001

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

(no subject)

i kinda wish that i could just stay home, veg out, and watch the grammy's or something equally mind-numbing tonight. i feel like i have no real energy.

we can't have everything we want though.

one more shift at work to go, and then i'll have a whole day off. the thought of that gives me enough energy to get through the next 24 hours.

i hope.
butterfly girl : where she goes when she

(no subject)

half an hour of spare time before i have to leave for my rehearsal tonight. i guess it's better than nothing.

i had a really neat customer at work today. she's a regular, but only recently have i started talking to her. regular customers are lovely, and she just made my day. she was talking about how she loves buying clothes for us, and that she didn't understand how we could work in there every day, and not go home with new purchases every night. "i was telling trish [clothing manager] that if i won the lottery, i'd come in and buy out the whole store!" she laughed. "we'd love to have you!" i said sincerely, and not just because of the money.

people like that make me smile. maybe people aren't all bad after all. working in retail sure makes you forget that in a hurry though.
butterfly girl : where she goes when she

falling again?

the last few days, i've suddenly run out of energy and enthusiasm for... life? i don't know how to describe it, but suddenly, i want to do nothing more than just hide under my blankets, and go to sleep and wake up refreshed and energised.

i recognise this feeling. it's the same feeling i've gotten towards the end of each semester for the last couple of years - being too tired to do anything, feeling antisocial, not having the energy to do the things i love. i almost feel like i don't WANT to do all this stuff i'm doing at the moment - rehearsals, the play, working, being with my friends. i feel like i just want to be alone, and just take time out for a few weeks. i don't know what's going on.

uni hasn't even started yet, and already i'm feeling lethargic. i'm scared that once i start back at uni, i'll fall apart again. at least every other semester, i've waited a few weeks before starting to crack.

i start uni again on Monday. i have 2 days to get over this feeling, because damnit... i won't let myself fall apart again like i did last year. it's too scary.