August 16th, 2002

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

lost

i feel very much without hope right now.

[i guess what goes up, must come down. after being on a high for the last month, i couldn't possibly expect not to come crashing down to earth at a rapid speed. certain events of the last 48 hours have led me to question everything, what i'm doing here, how i'm going to survive if Centrelink don't grant me youth allowance as i was expecting, why work has screwed me over, and whats going to happen if everything falls apart. i can't go back to the way things were, and at the same time, it's almost starting to seem that certain things are an impossibility here after all. i'm trying to hold onto my dreams, yet maybe i've just been deluding myself all along. perhaps there's really no place for me here either. and this reality is blocking out every bit of hope i thought i once had]