September 24th, 2002

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

(no subject)

my room is becoming smoky from the vanilla incense I keep burning. My own smoke-filled room, it makes me feel like I'm in between clouds. It's lovely.

I need to be happy, because this time tomorrow I'll be on my way to going to the airport to go home! So I've taken off the slow melodic music from my stereo and put something more upbeat on, that reminds me of sunny days and reasons to be happy. I've completed all my assignments that needed to be done before leaving, and all thats left to do is pack. Which will be a task in itself, but a fun one. It's nice to pack for a holiday; it's been awhile. The last time really, was packing for weekends away camping with my drama friends, last year; I miss those times.

I just want to be happier for longer than just a few hours. I need to stop being so up&down about things. I want things to work out with Russell, and I just want to be okay with whatever it is that happens.

I want to be more accepting of things, and stop being so scared of things that haven't happened yet. I keep creating my own self-fulfilling prophecies, and ruining things before they can ruin me. I want to smile, and know in my heart that for once, everything will be okay.