June 4th, 2003

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

back to the theatre

i'm thinking that i might get in contact with some theatre companies around here, and find out about working on some of their upcoming productions - backstage somehow, or crew or something similar. i'd like to get back into directing again; i just miss the excitement of the theatre. when i came home from queensland this year, i knew in my heart that i could never turn that love into a career. i was never made for full-time theatre - i don't have the heart or the strength to deal with the instability of it all on a constant day-to-day basis. but i miss the plays i worked on, i miss the anticipation of creating something new, i miss the thrill of achievement during performance time. i like the stability of the job i have at the moment, and although insurance is not the most exciting thing to be working in, i feel relatively secure, and i feel like i have a career future. but still, i need something more, i need an outlet. this is a far cry to where i was almost a year ago - dancing every day, working on that children's production, studying performing arts every day.

i need to find a happy medium. i need some place where it's okay to be creative, where it's okay to dream and make those dreams come alive. the theatre always was that place for me. even if it is only just part-time now.