August 31st, 2003

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

nice day

i ended up having a really good day today, despite everything that's happened this weekend. i relaxed, wrote a heap of letters, got creative with stickers & glitter, read beautiful journals, watched some tv. i didn't think about anything of importance and it was nice that for once, i could turn my thoughts off completely, and 100% relax. that rarely happens, for even in sleep my dreams are tinged with sadness or whatever other negative emotion i happen to be feeling recently. but somehow it's made it's way to 8:30pm, and another weekend draws to a close, another sunday has ended. and perhaps i'd feel that things were much better if a) my parents didn't know my secret and b) r & i weren't in this state of uncertainty that we've entered into, but given the circumstances, i had a really lovely day today. if only i could always hide out from the world like this, if only i could always disappear beneath words & colour, i'd be so much more calm & at peace with the world.

but we can't have what we always want, so for now, i'll take these good days as i get them, and make the most of them as i can. and remember, always remember, to breathe, breathe, breathe. sometimes it comes down to being just as simple as that to get through the moments.