January 4th, 2004

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

"the awful truth"

man this world is fucked up.

i had to stop and take a break before i threw something at the tv. i've been watching Michael Moore's The Awful Truth (Season 1) dvd that i got for christmas; the ignorance of so many, the blind injustice of those who run our countries, the inequalities, the lies, the deceit, everything. it makes me so angry that there truly is so much inequality in our world. it makes me angry that the first episode was about health insurance and the scheming ways the industries makes money off of people's ill health, and knowing that that's an industry i work in, that i see these schemes, perhaps not so much health insurance but other things, every day. it fucking disgusts me, and it's all about how much fucking money the big companies can make with no thought for anyone else. it's all about having the power and taking things from other people; all about profit at the expense of another person's pain. i turned the dvd off after episode 2, the one about gay rights and the shots of all those fanatics with their posters chanting "god hates fags, aids cures fags". and there were shots of these little kids holding signs nearly as big as them that said slogans such as those, and it made me so sad. kids growing up believing that homosexuality is wrong because their parents told them so.

why is our world so intolerant?

some of my closest friends, my more religious friends (and i'm NOT saying that religion = homophobia; just that these friends in particular have a habit of using god & the bible to back up their arguments. well not even arguments, more like mantras: "being gay is wrong, god says it's not right") think that homosexuality is wrong, that the people are messed up, there's something wrong with them and all those other statements we've come to recognise and disagree with. it saddens me that they can think that; and even sadder still that they can call themselves members of a certain religion and still advocate such intolerance and hatred. what happened to "practice what you preach"? or has that become outdated? but i can try and debate it out with them, but it gets me so angry and fired up; i just don't even understand where they're coming from, how they can be so violently opposed to something that doesn't even affect them personally.

and how can you even say that something is "wrong" when you don't even know that the most common way is "right"?

my mother saw the part on the dvd talking about matthew shephard's death [the boy who was beaten up & killed for being gay], and she said it was like the klu klux klan. and it is exactly that. we like to think we've moved on, but we really haven't. intolerance is still there and as "open-minded" we as a world try to think we are, we're not at all. same bullshit, different century. we haven't really changed at all.

i got angry again even writing that. i think this is going to be a dvd i watch in parts, or else i really am going to throw something. like a table.
why can't there be more acceptance in this world? that it's okay to have differences, as long as they don't hurt other people?
or am i once again being too idealistic and wishing for something that will never, ever be?

i could write a lot more about all of this, but perhaps not here. or maybe later; i have a feeling i'm going to need to spread things out or else i'm going to get carried away. but this year, i want to learn how to make a difference. somehow, somewhere. i believe i need to start actively standing up for the things i believe in -- i just don't know how to get started.
but i don't want to sit in the shadows and watch the destruction without trying to do anything about it. my voice is small, but i can find ways to carry my message, to try and make this world a little better. maybe nothing will change, but definitely nothing will change if we don't try.