November 23rd, 2006

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

for Kelly

A friend of mine, a girl I've been writing to for about 7 or 8 years, her ex-boyfriend (whom she always wanted to get back together with; he was quite similar to R in many ways, for those of you who know who I mean) was killed last week in a freak accident (story here). I feel so horribly sad for her, this man meant the world to her, and she'd always hoped that someday, they'd be back together again. It just seems unbelieveable that he could be gone.

This year seems to be full of tragedy, it makes me feel so sad and like I don't know what to say anymore.
Kelly, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I remember how her letters over the years were filled with stories about him, their relationship
after so many years of writing, you begin to feel like you know that other person too.

I feel so cynical and bitter about the world these days, about life and living. I never used to be that way at all, always believing in the best and creating big dreams, trying to make them come true.
I don't know how to dream anymore, how to believe in them.
All I know is what is here, what is now.