December 25th, 2006

butterfly girl : where she goes when she

christmas without Dad

We survived Christmas.

Last night was probably the most difficult part, Christmas drinks with my Dad's side of the family.
It broke my heart to see my cousin with her little baby, and how proud her father, my Dad's brother, was with his grandson.
I wanted that so badly with my Dad, to one day have my Dad there with a grandchild to be play with and be proud of. He would have been an awesome grandfather one day.
I ached & ached & ached. I miss my Dad so much.


We had lunch with my Mum's side of the family today. My aunt Kate, whom I admire very much, is setting up her own fashion & accessory design business (after years of working for other people in that industry), and she wants ME to help her. She wants me to design a range of notebooks, day planners and other corporate-yet-stylish stationery, as well as set up her website and other things. I am beyond excited, and so proud of my aunt for branching out on her own and following her dreams like this. And incredibly touched, that she said to my Nan weeks ago that she wanted my help with it all, because she thinks I'm artistic, and announced to everyone today that I was her first employee. She has business plans in motion, and despite this being a really horrible time right now, I feel a spark of my old self returning. The old self that used to believe in dreams, that big plans could come true, not destroy you.

My aunt gave me the best Christmas present I could have received (apart from the obvious); she gave me permission to dream again. And believe.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, I really do.