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17 April 2002 @ 10:14 pm
this new future  
So many dreams, so much hope and possibility....

I've always had so many dreams of running off to a Performing Arts school to study, for so many years. Now it's become another recurring fantasy, and I still hold the same beliefs I had all those other times - that if it's something I *really* want, then what's stopping me from going out and trying my hardest to get in? I've started sending out for application forms and information packages, and even though this may be something that'll never come into fruition, at least I'm doing something to keep my dreams alive. I'd move interstate to study, and I'd savour the experience, and breathe in every new day. I can't keep living this life of being unhappy at work, and feeling trapped at home: I am responsible for my own choices, and for my own happiness. And by god, if that means moving all the way across the country to follow some childhood fantasy of dancing all day, and singing all night, for that one big break: I will do it. What have I got to lose? Only a dream: but then, perhaps a dream doesn't mean very much if you never do something about it.

These days, dancing, singing, and music are the things that make me the most happiest. My friends are wonderful, but it's hard to predict people and what they're going to do next. I feel in control with dancing, like this is me, I have no-one to blame but myself here, and it's something that if I work on enough, I can improve. Dancing and singing seem to be the only times where I truly focus on what I'm doing at that time, rather than the 4503 other things floating around in my mind - where I can surrender myself to the love of the arts. Maybe I'm a dreamer and I'm reaching for a star that will never brush my fingertips; but right now, this is what is saving me from going crazy, from losing everything altogether. This is a reason to wake up every morning.

And if it doesn't work out? At least then I can say that I tried, that it never hurt to try. And right now, there seem to be so many new possibilities that weren't there 2 years ago, 6 months ago, or even 5 days ago. This is a brand new future.