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18 January 2003 @ 11:00 am
this is reality  
kristy and i had a picnic on the beach last night, and even though people were looking at us weirdly, set up with our picnic hamper and blankets and food and utensils, we didn't mind a bit. and we sat there in silence watching the sun set over the ocean, and for once, it all just felt peaceful.

we went back to her place and watched reality bites, and it really was the perfect movie to choose, for look at the storyline - kids just fresh out of college with the whole world for them to take, yet being scared of making the wrong decisions and fearing failure. perhaps it was just the perk i needed, saying that going back to queensland doesn't need to be something i fear, but an exciting experience that will help me to grow and become a better person. staying here in adelaide will allow me to stay in my rut, my, as marianne put it, "bloody comfort zone", and even though its reassuring right now, how will that honestly help me?

besides, there was a reason why i had to get out in the first place. i was going crazy back here a year ago, and nothing's changed since. i have this opportunity to get out and actually make something of myself, to go somewhere which will force me to do some good with my life, and to give up that chance would be something i'll regret in later years. i'm better than this... and i want to start proving it.

i want to make something of myself. i want to be a fucking success, because i know i can be. i just need to start believing it.
starlin on January 18th, 2003 09:49 am (UTC)
i hate everyone who gives those weird looks. i hate how you gotta be 'normal'. it's so BORING. i think that's sweet having a picnic on the beach.

and i know that someday you'll believe it. :)
delicatewings on January 18th, 2003 03:29 pm (UTC)
keep telling yourself that and one day you'll wake up to realize that you've always had that belief in yourself, you just never realized it.

:hugs: i do hope things go the way you plan.