scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk
kisstheviolets

people who use, people who lose

i am just so sick of false friends. people who only get in touch when they want something, people who only contact you when it suits their needs. people who bail at the first sign of trouble, people who aren't there when you need them. i'm talking about people who are blatantly false; we all have times when we get lazy, don't stay in touch as much as our friends deserve. i know i'm definitely guilty of that. but i'd like to think that if a friend i hadn't called in awhile rang me needing some help, a listening ear - i'd be there, i'd help them in the best way i could. i know i have some wonderful friends in my life, whom i know i can turn to at anytime; and hopefully, they think the same of me.

but there are others, people i considered to be "friends", who have turned out otherwise. and i'm so sick of just being used by these people; of being the one they can dump all their problems on, and then run away when i need to talk. these are the people who were nowhere to be found when i went through a dark time this year; people who didn't even try to listen. people i thought were amongst my closest friends. these people, just a couple in particular, make me so angry. one of them refused to listen to my side of the story; but now she sweeps it under the rug and contacts me -- when SHE needs someone to talk to, when SHE has something to say. and she writes as though i still actually give a fuck about how her little life is going. as though she's doing me a favour by "keeping me up to date with her life" - even though SHE was the one who turned her back on me when i needed friends the most.

and there was a time when i would have responded the way she wanted me to anyway, when i would have been hurt but gone along for the ride because i don't like to let people down. but i'm over that now, and i finally realise what it's been like. and i want to say a big FUCK YOU to those few people who have the nerve to pretend like everything's okay but only when YOU want it to be. i spent today being angry over an email that i just knew she was going to write me; and i knew this because it was meant to be an important day for her (but personally, of something i really don't care about). but R had wisdom for me: you can't get upset if you don't give them a chance to. so i'm going to try not to. fuck being the all-round "nice girl" who gives everyone a chance. no-one is worth losing yr self-esteem over. and if you can't be a friend to me, then i'm not going to be a friend to you. it's that simple. BECAUSE I'M WORTH HAVING REAL FRIENDS.

i'm gonna stand up for myself with this one. it's only 2 or 3 people, but it's enough to bring you down. and i'm not going to let myself get dragged down by anyone who's not worth it anymore.

i know i'm not always the greatest friend, i know i'm not always there when people need me. but i try. and i don't think i use people. these people do, and they think they can get away with it. not anymore. i demand respect because i know i deserve it. we all do, but only if you can give it too.

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in other news, i've lost my scarlet's walk cd. i have the case -- but the cd appears to have been MIA for... well a month at least. i honestly have no idea where it is because i'm fanatical about putting my cds in their cases straight away, and it bothers me that not only has a single cd (ie, not the case as well) disappeared completely, but that it happens to be one of my favourites. damnit. where has it gone?

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apologies if i sound like a hard-hearted bitch in the above. but i'm done with being stepped all over by people who are self-absorbed and hypocritical. it's long since time i stood up for myself completely, and the only ones to be worried about anything i've said here at all, are the ones who have something - ie, a doormat - to lose.
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