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24 November 2003 @ 08:27 pm
people who use, people who lose  
i am just so sick of false friends. people who only get in touch when they want something, people who only contact you when it suits their needs. people who bail at the first sign of trouble, people who aren't there when you need them. i'm talking about people who are blatantly false; we all have times when we get lazy, don't stay in touch as much as our friends deserve. i know i'm definitely guilty of that. but i'd like to think that if a friend i hadn't called in awhile rang me needing some help, a listening ear - i'd be there, i'd help them in the best way i could. i know i have some wonderful friends in my life, whom i know i can turn to at anytime; and hopefully, they think the same of me.

but there are others, people i considered to be "friends", who have turned out otherwise. and i'm so sick of just being used by these people; of being the one they can dump all their problems on, and then run away when i need to talk. these are the people who were nowhere to be found when i went through a dark time this year; people who didn't even try to listen. people i thought were amongst my closest friends. these people, just a couple in particular, make me so angry. one of them refused to listen to my side of the story; but now she sweeps it under the rug and contacts me -- when SHE needs someone to talk to, when SHE has something to say. and she writes as though i still actually give a fuck about how her little life is going. as though she's doing me a favour by "keeping me up to date with her life" - even though SHE was the one who turned her back on me when i needed friends the most.

and there was a time when i would have responded the way she wanted me to anyway, when i would have been hurt but gone along for the ride because i don't like to let people down. but i'm over that now, and i finally realise what it's been like. and i want to say a big FUCK YOU to those few people who have the nerve to pretend like everything's okay but only when YOU want it to be. i spent today being angry over an email that i just knew she was going to write me; and i knew this because it was meant to be an important day for her (but personally, of something i really don't care about). but R had wisdom for me: you can't get upset if you don't give them a chance to. so i'm going to try not to. fuck being the all-round "nice girl" who gives everyone a chance. no-one is worth losing yr self-esteem over. and if you can't be a friend to me, then i'm not going to be a friend to you. it's that simple. BECAUSE I'M WORTH HAVING REAL FRIENDS.

i'm gonna stand up for myself with this one. it's only 2 or 3 people, but it's enough to bring you down. and i'm not going to let myself get dragged down by anyone who's not worth it anymore.

i know i'm not always the greatest friend, i know i'm not always there when people need me. but i try. and i don't think i use people. these people do, and they think they can get away with it. not anymore. i demand respect because i know i deserve it. we all do, but only if you can give it too.


in other news, i've lost my scarlet's walk cd. i have the case -- but the cd appears to have been MIA for... well a month at least. i honestly have no idea where it is because i'm fanatical about putting my cds in their cases straight away, and it bothers me that not only has a single cd (ie, not the case as well) disappeared completely, but that it happens to be one of my favourites. damnit. where has it gone?


apologies if i sound like a hard-hearted bitch in the above. but i'm done with being stepped all over by people who are self-absorbed and hypocritical. it's long since time i stood up for myself completely, and the only ones to be worried about anything i've said here at all, are the ones who have something - ie, a doormat - to lose.
miss luxe: &ask her to dancelovestaria on November 24th, 2003 02:06 am (UTC)
*holds you softly....* you have every right to say what you want & to feel the way you do.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:19 am (UTC)
thankyou. i just hope i can keep believing in it -- easy enough to say, harder to act upon!
i'd rather be a mystery: i will face my fearmordainlove on November 24th, 2003 02:16 am (UTC)
good grief, all that about false friends... that pretty much sums up everyone i knew in high school. i trusted them so completely because i didn't know any better and then got horribly, utterly hurt when they fucked me over. yeah, ouch. why it always happens like that to certain people, i'll never understand.

... on a different note, i'm so sorry about your CD having gone missing. that's terrible. :( ... maybe it got put in a different case by mistake, or in a portable cd player or something? hopefully it'll turn up or you'll find it soon...
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:19 am (UTC)
i try to think of it as, sometimes it's good to have bad or false friends, because it makes you appreciate the true friends all the more.
in a perfect world, sigh... you'd have the best of both, i think.

&thankyou xxx
 tûriellovelette on November 24th, 2003 02:36 am (UTC)
i love you so
always here for you
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:17 am (UTC)
I'm a brand new sky to hang the stars upon tonightnetty_81 on November 24th, 2003 02:46 am (UTC)
You didn't sound like a hard-hearted bitch...you have every right to want a good friend and point out the faults of the so-called other 'friends'. I can definitely relate to that; I've had many shitty friends. I've decided I deserve better treatment and keep them out of my life for good now.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:17 am (UTC)
exactly!! :D
And come the dawn I'll be long gone: cold cold heart__electrique on November 24th, 2003 02:51 am (UTC)
i hate false friends too and unfortunately i met many of them! I'm sending you lots of love Jade and i hope you'll never have to meet such horrible people in your life again!
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:17 am (UTC)
&you too! <3
L.discountsatori on November 24th, 2003 02:56 am (UTC)
Amen. Sometimes I think having false friends is worse than having enemies ... with enemies, at least you know how they feel about you. False friends waver in and out put you through so much more stress. Blah. Forget them, Jade, and let's hope one day they realize that they need to figure out how to really make friends instead of just use people when it's convenient.

I lost my Scarlet's Walk CD for about three months earlier this year! I finally found it in the CD case of a band whose music is completely unlike Tori's. Hope you find yours, too!
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:17 am (UTC)
yeah exactly. at least enemies aren't so cowardly they have to hide behind the pretence of friendship to slag you off! heh. i'm trying to think that in the end, we'll be better off because we'll know the meaning of true friendship, as opposed to those who will maybe be left all alone because of how they treat people.

eep, &i hope the same thing happens with mine! i'm wondering if it's gotten mixed up with a cd-rom case or something... hmmm...
Lies withinbrokenchains on November 24th, 2003 02:59 am (UTC)
erhm. Something on here bothered me Jade, and I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong, but I do need to say something about it. you said. " i demand respect because i know i deserve it." The thing is though, you can't get someone to respect you through force. They need to earn their respect, and if they don't, then frankly, they aren't worth your time of day. I don't know. That's just my two cents at 3am, so I apologize if it really doesn't even make sense.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on November 24th, 2003 03:13 am (UTC)
actually, you're very right. i didn't mean for it to come out that way, i guess. it was more a statement about needing to have friends who do actually respect me, rather than friends who walk all over me. i'm not going to force people to respect me at all because like you said, it has to be earnt; i suppose i was trying to say that i believe i'm *worth* being treated right by people who call me their friend. as opposed to thinking that i "deserve" to be treated badly -- it was more to do with self-empowerment than anything else.
if THAT makes any sense, ha!
ceciliadoll on November 24th, 2003 03:04 am (UTC)
Go you. You're completely right - why spend time on friends who aren't worth the trouble?
she with her honey hairnelmiocuore on November 24th, 2003 05:53 am (UTC)
i love you honey & i'm proud of you for writing this.
I know I haven't been the friend you deserve lately. I'm so sorry. I miss you and I hope you still want me around. <33
tip me over and pour me outambrosiangel on November 24th, 2003 07:06 am (UTC)
Good for you, chica! I think many of us know how this feels but not hoe to fix it. Go you!
Aubreystormvibrations on November 24th, 2003 07:46 am (UTC)
I totally hear you there. I had friends who were like that too, friends who weren't there for me when I was going through hard times last year. You deserve better, and you do have other friends in your life that care about you and love you, and are there for you. :)
thorn witchalex_faerie on November 24th, 2003 09:02 am (UTC)
I will rant more about how much I agree with you in your email. I just thought I'd let you know that in my English exam, the last question was 'write a letter to a penfriend who is coming over to visit you next summer, telling them about the area you live in'- don't you just think that's the spookiest thing ever?! It helped a great deal that it was you I wrote it to. I'll let you know what mark I get- <3 u loads and forever.
If you forget my name.... you will go astray...: bubblesharukalioncourt on November 24th, 2003 09:10 am (UTC)
I can totally understand how you feel.. I feel exactly the same. I've decided to finally just dump off all this "dead weight" I carry. I'm through initiating contact with people who just will not do the same, unless they want something. I've come to the point that I would rather have few good friends than a whole load of loose, fake ones. *hugs* You deserve the best, remember that, always!

krystinohsogrand on November 24th, 2003 09:42 am (UTC)
yes! you ARE worth having real friends. it took me a long time to realize that about myself, but it's definitely true for both of us. good luck standing up for yourself... it can be hard, but it's so worth it. <3
emilayo on November 24th, 2003 08:25 pm (UTC)
I completely agree. I was fed up with false friends, which is probably why I have none right now. (in "real" life anyways). Which is fine. I'd be rather be alone and ok, than be friends with somebody who will cause me that much stress. You DO deserve good friends, everyone does. Actually even people who don't deserve it probably need them the most, but I know how tiring and emotionaly heart wrenching that can be.