scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk

how everything can change in an instant

i am the biggest dork. i just sent a text message to the guy i sortakindamaybe like from work (the one who's 36, divorced & 2 kids). of course he won't write back, silly girl. nevermind. a harmless infatuation never killed anyone, it's just when it stops being merely harmless that i find myself in trouble.

but anyway. it was only to ask if i could use his desk tomorrow, i can always laugh it off when he returns from his break on thursday.


still on the work note, noel let me read some of the liability files he's working on today. my goodness. i think liability claims is where i'd like to end up working (well i sure as heck don't want a full time career working in motor or property insurance claims, not for too long anyway), but i feel sad when i read some of the claims sometimes. stories of children who fell in dams because their carers didn't watch over them properly, and wound up vegetables, completely reliant on other people for their daily living. stories of people who were once in their early twenties and had their whole lives ahead of them just like me, but in a blink of an eye, everything got turned upside down and they were left quadraplegics, tretaplegics. stories of people just going about doing their jobs, and being killed because something exploded. and it makes you realise how fucking fragile life is, how you can take absolutely nothing for granted, ever. things change, and you can't see it coming. and these things affect everyone, if not you directly, then indirectly. it is so easy to lose the people we love, it is so easy to lose ourselves. and i wanted to cry today, for children who will never grow up to live an independent life, for the young woman who will never fulfil her dream of becoming a mother, the girl who now can't breathe without the aid of a ventilator because she became paralysed from the jaw down doing something we all do every day [driving].

there is so much more i want to say on this, but perhaps not now; i can't find the words. noel and i talked about these files, and while he talks about it in terms of how much money our insurance company has to pay out, i talk about it in terms of shortened life expectancy, changes in the quality of life, and the monsterous effect that not paying attention for 5 seconds can have.

i say to liz on the way home tonight that the human spirit is truly a versatile thing. it is amazing what people can overcome, what they can cope with when faced with adversity. i don't think i could ever be that strong.

but i wish i could make a difference somehow. perhaps this seems disjointed. but something about today has made me open my eyes just a little bit more, and perhaps for once i don't want to just sit back and not do anything.

if only i knew what it is i need to do.


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