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07 September 2004 @ 08:55 pm
Isle of Dreams  
x. i feel like i am dying at work; the hours drag, there is not enough work to do and nothing to keep my mind stimulated. i am being crushed by the dullness of it all and every second grates on my nerves, pushing me towards insanity. i need a job that requires me to think, to learn. i am bored to tears by it all right now and i know i'm smarter than that.

x. i hid in my room tonight amongst candles & faerylights and wrote to emmica and listened to portishead and read more of Mists of Avalon. i could get lost amongst words and maybe tonight i'll drift off into a dreamland where everything is not as it seems. i don't understand 'the real world'. not anymore. lets find out own Isle and we'll create our own world there, please?

x. the Beslan massacre devastates me. someone wrote into our daily newspaper saying that it was all very well to feel sad for what happened in Beslan, but what about showing the other side, what Russia had been doing to Chechen for all these years? and that made me angry, for whatever the government is doing, why should innocent children be suffered and murdered? how can that ever justify what happened this weekend, how can that be an excuse for torturing and murdering so many children and their family members who had no say? why didn't the Chechen's storm the President and his parliment if they were so angry with their decisions? and i know there will never be any answers, that nothing is black and white but it leaves me in dispair. i think about what those last hours, those 3 days in hostage must have been like for those children. their last hours before they were killed in cold blood.

do you ever think about how your life might end? how you hope that you'll be with those you love, that you'll get a chance to say goodbye, that it will be peaceful, painless? i think of those children, the terror, the agony, the mind games. their last hours spent in fear. and it just isn't fucking fair that they should have had to go through that, all because they were born of a government who made a decision that others didn't like.

x. i don't understand our world and it frightens me. are things going to get worse before they get better? will they even get better?

x. i live on dreams and imagination. maybe it's safer there, or maybe i'm just too afraid to see the world for what it is. i'm afraid because i can't do anything to change it, and therefore i make myself believe it isn't happening. but i know that's not a good way to be.

winterswitchery on September 7th, 2004 01:45 pm (UTC)
x. i don't understand our world and it frightens me. are things going to get worse before they get better? will they even get better?

Show me a world where it ever was "better", sweetie.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on September 7th, 2004 11:39 pm (UTC)
too true. perhaps i live in hope (delusion?)
le sigh.
winterswitchery on September 8th, 2004 12:06 am (UTC)
There is always hope.
melymbrosiapalefire on September 7th, 2004 02:48 pm (UTC)
ignore that last comment, oops!!
Sorry about the confusion, that last comment was meant for my friend Alex and I accidentally clicked the wrong page. But strangely enough yours has a lot to do with her entry too! Yours was the next on my screen, so I'll reply to that as well. But ignore that last comment, cause it was meant for Alex, sorry about the confusion, darling!
melymbrosiapalefire on September 7th, 2004 02:53 pm (UTC)
ok, now this comment IS meant for you! :)
The children in Russia... I couldn't believe it when I read that. It was devastating. And you know if that happened in either of our countries (probably mine, cause America's a lot more fucked up) there'd be outpouring of help, and they'd see it as an event of war and bring out all of these safety measures... over there, where it's rather poorer, I can't imagine how devastating it must be. Cause I doubt they're starting up any security measures in nearby schools and the scary thing is that it COULD happen again.

I think that when you put things into consideration, the world has always been a terrible place. Maybe it was less publicized in past times but there was no time period where terror, fear and murder were inescapable, and it IS frightening. I revert to an imaginary world as well - cause you have to ask yourself, am I part of a world where people could even CONCEIVE of doing this? The news feels like fiction now, because it's totally unbelievable that stuff like this can even be THOUGHT up in the world, nevertheless gone through with.

Cheer up, Jade. It makes me sad that you're sad.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on September 7th, 2004 11:43 pm (UTC)
Re: ok, now this comment IS meant for you! :)
*hugs* it's okay hon; i'm not sad :) just... disillusioned i suppose, but who isn't? or maybe i'm not disillusioned enough, i drift off into dream worlds far too often and am entirely ignorant about too many things. who am i to complain of disillusionment wit our world?

but you are right, i think it has always been like this. just because we hear more of it now {especially in light of "terrorism" -- as though since 9/11 it's a new thing, although it isn't really} doesn't mean it wasn't happening before.

Jessica: babefae by purpleglitterstrangedoll on September 7th, 2004 04:21 pm (UTC)
most of my jobs have been like that. i hate work.

portishead yummy. do you like hooverphonic?

mists of avalon yummy too. i actually read that book the very first time i came to ashville...

i think about how my life would end. obsessively.

    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on September 7th, 2004 11:45 pm (UTC)
i haven't heard any of hooverphonic actually :X
Jessicastrangedoll on September 8th, 2004 01:16 am (UTC)
download some. i bet you'll like it.

2 wicky is a good song
remember to breatheturtles_path on September 7th, 2004 10:47 pm (UTC)
i feel you on the draining job front, honey, but it helps when i come home the SPECTACULAR packages filled with beauty and wisdom from a genuine STAR GIRL on the other side of the world!! Thank you, sweetheart! <3

clearly, and just from the small percentage found here on your friends page, we haven't all gone mad. i'm proud to know someone like you who is doing her best to make even the smallest difference in our upside down world. *hugs you tight*
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on September 8th, 2004 12:20 am (UTC)
oh yay i am glad it got there safely ! i wasn't sure if i'd put enough postage on it :X
you are lovely, miss *mwah*