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08 January 2001 @ 03:43 pm
Ready to leave the past behind  
I went to uni today to hand in my drama journal. Finally, the final chapter, it is done. I slipped my journal and script into my tutor's pigeon hall, and then stood in the foyer and smiled. I looked around and for an instant, I was back at Opening Night, seeing the hearts on the walls, the posters, the people running around. For a moment, I felt the presence of all the others - Jeremy, James, Michelle, Tully, James A, Charlotte, Alex, and Daniel - and then as quick as it arrived, it faded. Hard to believe that all this happened barely a month ago - it seems as though so much has changed, in such a short time. I feel like a different person, and standing in that foyer this morning, it seemed unbelievable that only a month ago my heart was breaking for one who never really cared. Maybe anyone who walked past and saw me standing there thought I was crazy; but for a moment, I allowed myself to think of the past and remember; remember the play, remember the love. The memories seem vivid; yet at the same time, they are faded around the edges, erasing the bitterness and pain, and leaving only the feelings in my heart that yearn for just one night more at the theatre. And then I return to reality and think: no. I am better off now.

I stood in that foyer for one second more, breathed in the memories, opened my eyes, and smiled. Then I walked out that door, no glance backwards, ready to leave the past behind, ready to face the future again.