scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk
kisstheviolets

unproductive

i have been horribly unproductive and restless today. not just for work, but for anything. i open up those blank email drafts to write in, and nothing comes to mind. i tell myself to write, just write, anything! and i can't even do that. i write a few words, erase. swing backwards and forwards from my work to conversations around me to reading something on the net and back to the blank email document again. on monday i wrote 3 things for various zines or possible zines. today i wrote nothing. and work? i'm just floating on by at the moment.

i hate being this restless. i talked to N. about a hundred times this afternoon, then i finally shut up and put on my ipod, which only made me want to sing. i wanted to run around and be out with people and talk and oh. i wanted to find inspiration to write and create because today i am lacking it.

my lipbalms have solidified completely. so much for them working out; i'll remelt them to remove the mixture from the pots so i can reuse them, and then try some other recipes. perhaps less beeswax, more oil next time? but they still smell delicious, so i only partly stuffed up. i knew it couldn't have really been that easy but that's okay because the more mistakes you make, the more you learn what doesn't work, right? tomorrow is payday but i think i'll have to wait until the next payrun to get more ingredients for cosmetics making. my 'extras' money is being spent on zines this fortnight; but i promise, i'm putting money away in my saving-to-go-to-england fund first! my bills are covered and i sort of feel in control, for the moment.

i have packages to send out and i've been mailing cards and letters to people. i wrote a card to an old school friend today and i really need to do better with keeping in touch and letting people know i'm thinking of them. i've been making cards lately and i like sending them out; they seem more personal than store-brought. if only postage didn't add up so quickly. if only, if only. i'd send cards to everyone if i could.

this is so horribly random; i can't believe i'm updating with all this junk. just one more useless livejournal post that wasn't required; just one more way to kill the time. i hate that i'm this restless and unable to concentrate, on anything. but i suppose it happens.

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