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24 October 2005 @ 02:21 pm
making up my mind  
I know people will be disappointed but I've pretty much decided I am going to go home early. For 6 - 8 months or so, to help Dad with his new business. I'm planning on getting a return ticket so that I can come back next June and continue doing what I set out to do here (ie, work/live/travel).

Everyone (here) has been telling me to stay and while I'd probably say the exact same thing to someone else in this situation, I just feel too guilty, too selfish to do so. I need to go back and for once, be there for my family when they need me. How can I ever feel right about being out here, doing my own thing, when my family so obviously could use my help back home? This is the first time they have ever needed me like this; they're not asking me to come back, but how could I possibly stay away?

I tell myself (and everyone else) that this is just putting my travel/London plans on hold; I'll be back before a year is up, and then I can continue without the feelings of guilt and obligation over me. Let me help them get off the ground, and then I can spread my own wings to fly.

If I'm disappointing you then I'm sorry, but I would be disappointing myself even more if I was to stay. Maybe you wouldn't do the same thing, but this is my life, and for once, if only once, I choose not to be selfish.
winterswitchery on October 24th, 2005 01:40 pm (UTC)
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on October 24th, 2005 01:43 pm (UTC)
i will be coming back, you know. i just can't keep being selfish, no matter how much I want to. This is right for me, for now.
winterswitchery on October 24th, 2005 01:51 pm (UTC)
I'm not exactly sure how this is seen as being selfish either. But it's your life, your decision. Have fun.
♥Lokaha Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu♥: Rose Enchantedjupitersiren on October 24th, 2005 01:41 pm (UTC)
Follow your heart jade.
If you need to go home then do that. No one should judge yoru or your decision and you have no reason to justify it to anyone.
I just hope you are doing what you feel is right for you.
If you are happy and this decision makes you happy then I am happy for you!
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on October 24th, 2005 01:43 pm (UTC)
thankyou, sweetie.
ex_snowcanwa171 on October 24th, 2005 01:58 pm (UTC)

*hugs* You know yourself better than any of us do, and I think that you have made the right decision. It would have been truly horrible to spend all the rest of October - Christmas sitting over there and feeling awful about it. And as you said, with a return ticket you will be back over there before you know it! :)

Much love :) xxxx
slasheuseslasheuse on October 24th, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC)
The reason I didn't comment to your last entry was that I thought you wanted to stay, and so didn't want to make your decision harder for you.

I think you're doing the right thing, and that it would have been perhaps not selfish, but a less honourable thing to do, to stay. Your parents have helped you out a lot. You'll have better peace of mind when you return if your conscicence is totally quiet.

Also, it's another item on your CV!

I think you're doing completely the right thing.
Felicityi_am_she on October 24th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
You won't be missing the best of British weather, as I'm sure you know, so I say go for it. If your family is important to you and this is important to them, it'll make you feel good and hopefully you'll come back to England fired up for the rest of your stay.
mai pen rai: blue mermaiddeadstar_1 on October 24th, 2005 04:32 pm (UTC)
it'll be a new experience&as you said, you can go travelling again next June. go for it!
literate & stylish: carouselcara_mia on October 24th, 2005 05:08 pm (UTC)
Hello, dear. I know I haven't commented much lately. Sorry I've been so busy. But I just had to comment here & let you know that I think you're doing the right thing, especially since it's not like you won't ever go back. I think if I were in your situation, I'd do the same thing.
(Anonymous) on October 24th, 2005 06:06 pm (UTC)
Jade, please realize that we know you better than that. You are also leaving for a selfish reason, N. You're not disappointing us by going back. You're disappointing us by going back to N. I'm glad that by going back that you will be able to help your dad with his business, but I really wish that were your only reason.

I wish you hadn't let N. manipulate you. Please don't take this as an insult to yourself, because if all of us didn't care, then we wouldn't be commenting!! We are all afraid for you. It hurts us that you just let him weaken you like you have.

Remember, if he really loves you, then he won't be pushy. Oh wait, that's all he has ever been! Jade, this is not a man who cares for you. This is a man who cares only about himself. Please remember that when you go back to him. Like i said, we aren't disappointed that you're going home. We're disappointed that you think you fell for such a loser like N.

You are worth so much more than that.
Tacohello_leannie on October 24th, 2005 11:22 pm (UTC)
Re: N.
I really hate to say it, but I agree with the above.

I just want you to be happy.
   ++   Sparkle Of Life   ++sparkleoflife on October 25th, 2005 03:11 am (UTC)
Re: N.
*huggles* ... I hope this isn't true and you are going back for your own reasons and that you made this decision yourself not over the phone or something with N ... but you already know my thoughts on this whole situation. Remember that I'll always be your friend no matter what you do and no matter what happens upon your return.

I'm not sure how your feelings are on this original comment but you should be glad that someone out there really cares enough about you to give you this honest opinion *huggles*

Message me if you want to talk and I'll call you =)
remember to breatheturtles_path on October 24th, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
go gently, sweetheart, go gently.
snowflakesugar on October 24th, 2005 10:51 pm (UTC)
i suppose that if you feel too guilty about staying in england, you should go home. you'd end up not enjoying your stay, thinking about your family and everything. but i do hope that nothing gets in your way of going back to the uk and getting your plans fullfilled.
indriya on October 24th, 2005 11:02 pm (UTC)
I think we Westerners often take our families for granted and show too little loyalty and compassion where it's due. I think you're doing a wonderful thing. Travel is also a wonderful thing, but the world isn't going anywhere. (I am worried if this has something to do with N. though. Make sure you save some compassion for yourself, too.) xo
?starlakitty on October 25th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
i'm glad you made a decision that is right for YOU. that's all that matters sweetheart.

Full-Pronged Fury!!!!: Momoangerfork on October 25th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)

Disappointed? Nah...I is most certainly not so. In many ways, we must follow what our thoughts/heart/mind/feelings tell us to do. If yours says the time is right to go back home and help out your family, to as you say "put London on hold," then by all means you must follow the path before you. No matter which way you choose to go, you are still the wondrous Jade-Faerie to me...full of magic and life that you spread upon all you care for.

Believe me...I also know how hard it is to see your family needing seemingly help and then try to enjoy something as fun as London sounds to be. I fight with that demon all the time, often winding up unsure of the path I seek (California v. Mom's condition, I can explain further if you desire). Yet, this is a point of fear for me, dear. Have you spoken with your thoughts of returning to your parents? I mean...are you sure they won't feel some sort of guilt themselves if you return, sort of a "She misses being in England, wishes she was there and it's all our fault she isn't" style of guilt? I mean, even though we all know it truly is your decision to make...?

Also, and please don't be offended when I say this, I'd be remiss if I didn't admit a small extra bit of fear I have for you with this. You seem rather unsure of returning so soon and whether or not you'll ever even be able to come back to England...your words (pretty much decided, planning on) strongly indicate that you fear this yourself. I know how long and how much you were looking forward to going on this trip, and how hard you worked to get here. I would hate to see this seeming dream become little more than shards of faded hope...for you deserve better than that. You bring so much happiness to so many and, from what I know of you, seem to do almost everything for other people. You may think yourself selfish, but believe me...you are by no stretch of the imagination selfish, dear. If anything, you seem...I think the term is selfless...ya know, where you give everything and everytime you can, seeking nothing from anyone (including yourself) in return...

Sorry to be so long winded on this...it's just you truly are such a beautiful person and a wondrous Jade Faerie. Such a faerie as yourself truly does deserve the dreams she seeks, wishes and desires...
jessicasea__secret on October 25th, 2005 10:06 pm (UTC)
jade, i support whatever you choose & i am not disappointed in you. only you know what's right for you!
fructiferousfructiferous on October 27th, 2005 12:10 am (UTC)
i think buying a return ticket is a very good idea. if you need to be in adelaide for your family, then you need to do that. i understand, i would put my adventures on hold if my mother needed me.

i remember how excited you were when i saw you off. you were so thrilled to be going. i understand why you need to come home, but i will be so sad if you don't go back and finish this.

you're one of the least selfish people i know. loveyou. :)