scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk

this is not really happening

Noel and I have flights booked back home, on Monday, 12pm. We don't arrive back into Adelaide until Wednesday morning; we were lucky to even be able to get on a flight in the first half of the week.

How do you describe what you are feeling when your Dad dies?

I want it all to be a horrible, bad nightmare. When I got the voicemail last night at around 5pm (about 2am back home) from my uncle (Dad's brother) telling me to call home as soon as possible, I knew it couldn't be good. I was hoping it was just like, another heart attack BUT Dad was in hospital and being looked after again. That's all it was meant to be. He was doing so much better when I spoke to him that morning. He was meant to be okay.

I keep hearing my Mum's words, over and over again. They are so fresh and vivid, like hearing them for the first time again & again, and that stab of pain. "You better sit down... Dad's died". I screamed, and curled over sobbing, no no no not my daddy.
He died in his sleep. He was fine before he went to bed. Then Mum woke up around midnight and he was gone.

She said my uncle has been a godsend. Their whole family went over there, at 2am, to be with my Mum and sister.
I'm so worried about them. I just want to get back home and be with them again.

Russ and Aphie have been looking after me.
I want to wake up from this nightmare.
I want my Dad to be alive and healthy again.

oh god... this just can't be happening.
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