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08 October 2006 @ 01:45 pm
this is not really happening  
Noel and I have flights booked back home, on Monday, 12pm. We don't arrive back into Adelaide until Wednesday morning; we were lucky to even be able to get on a flight in the first half of the week.

How do you describe what you are feeling when your Dad dies?

I want it all to be a horrible, bad nightmare. When I got the voicemail last night at around 5pm (about 2am back home) from my uncle (Dad's brother) telling me to call home as soon as possible, I knew it couldn't be good. I was hoping it was just like, another heart attack BUT Dad was in hospital and being looked after again. That's all it was meant to be. He was doing so much better when I spoke to him that morning. He was meant to be okay.

I keep hearing my Mum's words, over and over again. They are so fresh and vivid, like hearing them for the first time again & again, and that stab of pain. "You better sit down... Dad's died". I screamed, and curled over sobbing, no no no not my daddy.
He died in his sleep. He was fine before he went to bed. Then Mum woke up around midnight and he was gone.

She said my uncle has been a godsend. Their whole family went over there, at 2am, to be with my Mum and sister.
I'm so worried about them. I just want to get back home and be with them again.

Russ and Aphie have been looking after me.
I want to wake up from this nightmare.
I want my Dad to be alive and healthy again.

oh god... this just can't be happening.
outsidetherain on October 8th, 2006 12:56 pm (UTC)
*tight, super tight hugs*

I am so incredibly sorry to hear this, I truly am. Having lost someone extremely close to me I'm well aware of that 'surreal' feeling - just not wanting or believing it's really true. Grief really is a process and that unbelieving feeling is most definintely the beginning of it.

I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, most certainly.

One moment at a time is all you can get through right now, so try to only focus on that.
*more hugs*
slasheuseslasheuse on October 8th, 2006 01:06 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry, darling. Oh, your poor poor mum, for that to happen. He wouldn't have felt ANY pain, babes; he just went to sleep next to the woman he loved which is probably the very best way anyone can go. I'm glad your uncle's around. Your poor sister, how's she doing?
art, crafting & domestic bliss!sagiegirl on October 8th, 2006 01:14 pm (UTC)

I am really sorry, this is so heartbreaking. I am wishing you safe travels back home and you are close to my heart during this time <3 <3

___swollen on October 8th, 2006 01:30 pm (UTC)
you are in my thoughts, lovely.
ms krissyoh_la_la on October 8th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
oh, honey, i am doing the same. you're in my thoughts.
jessicasea__secret on October 8th, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)

I cannot even imagine what you are feeling right now. I mean, I know how it feels when somebody close dies unexpectedly, but I imagine that losing your father unexpectedly has its own entire set of emotions and feelings that comes along with it, and I haven't exactly been there. But my heart goes out to you. I have been thinking of you, all day yesterday & I thought of you right away when I woke up this morning. I just hope that you are okay. Being around your mum and sister will be the best thing for you right now, and I'm so glad that you have them. Just be very very good, to them AND (most importantly) to yourself. I'm so glad you have Russ and Aphie and yeah, Noel too. I love you so much Jade and it breaks my heart that you have to experience something like this at this point in your life. Please email me if you want to talk one-on-one...

winterswitchery on October 8th, 2006 03:21 pm (UTC)
I love you so much darling, and all of you are in my heart right now.
Aubreystarja on October 8th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
I don't know what to say that could make you feel better. I don't think there's anything anyone can say, really. Just know that myself and many, many other people are thinking about you and are here for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.
riikka: a sorta fairytaleflashbulbmemory on October 8th, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
All I can think about is how another friend lost her mother 2 years ago and how I thought that we are too young to lose parents. Just not ready to, you know, if you can ever be. I'm sending you love and huggles and strength and I'm sure that your Dad is somewhere up there watching over you.
waltzing matildaideaofthememory on October 8th, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC)
My deepest sympathies. I know you and your family will band together and pull through this while remebering the best of your father. My thoughts are with you.
starmiranda on October 8th, 2006 05:53 pm (UTC)
I am so sorry, my dear. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I will be keeping you & your family in my thoughts. So much love to you. xoxoxo
quitedorky on October 8th, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC)
Jadie, I need your address in Adelaide. Please send it to me at ace.of.cups@hotmail.com whenever you possibly can,honeyhoney.
Cristal Dawncrizzles on October 8th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC)

You're in my thoughts as well hun. I don't know what else to say *hugs*
Lily struts in waltz time towards the blindsdansette on October 8th, 2006 08:02 pm (UTC)
It's so unjust and cruel! I hope time flies for you until you are back with your family.
.gauloise on October 8th, 2006 08:19 pm (UTC)
jade oh god i'm so sorry. i hope you get over home okay and just try and keep calm until you reach your family. thinking of you xxx
♥Lokaha Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu♥: Starsjupitersiren on October 8th, 2006 08:57 pm (UTC)
Jade- I am so so sorry. Nothing I can say will impact you. Just know you & your family are in my thoughts.
bianbian on October 9th, 2006 03:37 am (UTC)
You brought me right back to the exact moment when I heard when my own father died. Wow. There really is no way to explain how you feel, but in some way I know *exactly* what you're feeling.

I have been thinking about you so much, Jade, since I heard this news. I even think I am in a bit of denial for you. I'm having a hard time accepting this myself & I'm glad Noel is there to fly home with you. He's been a great friend & I know he'll be your rock through this.

(((((Love you, Jade.))))) Your dad is with you in spirit. & you had that wonderful conversation with him that morning & I'm thankful for that. In time, you will be very thankful for that too. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
ellenellebel on October 9th, 2006 07:27 am (UTC)
jade, I was so shocked to read this. I can't even imagine what it must be like to loose your dad, and you being in another country. I thought after reading your last posts he was doing better. Anyway, I am wishing you and your family lots and lots of strenght. I am thinking of you! big hugs..
kaoticconfusion on October 12th, 2006 02:39 pm (UTC)
i am so sorry to hear of your loss.

i cant imagine what it is like to lose a parent.
so i dont really have any words of wisdom.

just take things day by day. and be with those who you love, and loved your father. remember the good times and know he will always be with you.