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27 October 2006 @ 01:19 pm

Life has changed so much. Life With Dad, Life Without. Before, After.
You can point out the exact moment that life changed. A clear split, a line drawn in the sand.

I want more than ever to go back to the way it was before.

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{If anyone wants me to take them off my friends list, let me know; I won't be offended. It's not a very happy place in here anymore, and because I am stupidly wracked with guilt that I am perhaps bringing people down with my entries, I'd rather people just left than endure this for the sake of being polite.

No, I am not about to "get over this" in a hurry, so if any such thought has crossed your mind, then it's really better for both our sakes that you stop reading. Thanks}

13 comments | Leave a comment

13 comments —

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

beccabags on October 27th, 2006 05:09 am (UTC)

Life is bitter sweet, day by day, inch by inch. I know they are clique, but they but things into perspective.

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indriya on October 27th, 2006 06:09 am (UTC)

You don't have to ever get over this. You'll carry your Dad with you forever, in each moment, and through life... Don't worry about what anyone thinks, talk about whatever you want to. Friends are here to listen, no matter what. *hugs* xoxoxo

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botticellibabe on October 27th, 2006 07:13 am (UTC)

I seriously hopes no-one has told you to get over it (and soon). I will stand guard and slap them!

You are not bringing me down, and you really are (still) doing okay Jade. You are here, you are functioning in that you sleep, breath and eat, you are planning for the future and letting yourself feel your emotions. I don't think any of that is weak or wrong or bad.
I love you, and I think about you every day. I am so proud to be your friend, and glad to know you, and I wish I could be there for you more.

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___swollen on October 27th, 2006 09:02 am (UTC)

*hugs*

we are e-here for you.

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flashbulbmemory on October 27th, 2006 11:15 am (UTC)

I remember saying the same when we had just found out that Säde had leukemia and all my posts were sad and depressed and depressing (much like yours! I was so confused and so surprised, couldn't understand) and a friend said that I should never feel like that, that everybody just wanted to support me through it and would never abandon me for just being me and feeling what I felt.

I'm saying the same to you now: we just want to support you through the worst times and I don't think anyone would ever abandon you for being sad after such a terrible loss. Be safe.

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sasayaku on October 27th, 2006 11:21 am (UTC)

This is your journal and it holds all your experiences and feelings, both happy and sad. It wouldn't be complete and real without the harsh side of life. I find your recent entries very touching and I'm sure that they will be precious for anyone who is facing similar issues. They are sad, but not hopeless; you are struggling; facing things; rebuilding; growing up in the hardest way.
I hope things will get better little by little... ♥

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typicalfemale on October 27th, 2006 11:53 am (UTC)

I would never want to drop you because of this, people who say things like "get over it" are those who've never had a death in their life or who are very cold-hearted. I still grieve for people who died years ago, people who weren't even as close as you were to your dad, it's human and it's natural. It would scare me if you DIDN'T grieve because it would mean you were sort of souless.

Don't ever hold yourself back.

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ideaofthememory on October 27th, 2006 02:38 pm (UTC)

You need friends now more than anything. Death takes a long time for the pain to subdue. I'm sorry I didn't offer my sympatihies earlier or say anything. I didn't know what to say and thought it would be trite, impersonal. Keep on writing and know that all these people do care about you and are more than willing to listen.

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winterswitchery on October 27th, 2006 02:53 pm (UTC)

I can't imagine anyone here has thought about you getting over this fast. &hearts

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urban_ballerina on October 27th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)

i am so not in for friendship when it is on the circumstance that you must be happy. i am here for you always, dont ever think that i will unadd you. not now, not ever. i dont know what you are guilty for, life is not all fun and games and dont we know that...i wouldnt call it being 'polite' sticking with you...and who the hell would think that they hope you will get over it! Some things you know people can never get over. So i'm in with you no matter what...and i hope you dont mind me sticking around :)

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_withbellson_ on October 28th, 2006 02:25 pm (UTC)

oh, jade.
*hugs*

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turnedoffneon on October 28th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)

livejournal just killed my comment, but what i said was pretty much the same as what everyone else has written so far.
take care of yourself. x

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prophetess666 on November 5th, 2006 06:26 am (UTC)

I, for one, have no interest in leaving. What kind of a friend would I be if I decided to go away simply because you're in pain? I think we all understand that this isn't something you'll move past right away - you're hurting a lot and this has had a huge impact on your life.

I love you and I do *hope* that you continue to be okay. You're doing wonderfully considering the situation.

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