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05 June 2009 @ 06:25 am
happy birthday daddy  
It would have been Dad's birthday today.
Fuck, I miss him so much.
&you know... I still really don't believe sometimes that he's gone. It's been more than 2 1/2 years now, &I still think sometimes that he's just away, but not gone. He's still coming back.


I was talking to a friend at work recently, &I told her about Dad dying, and how I just threw myself into work to cope. She said to me, "but you've dealt with it, right?" and I suppose the right answer is that I don't know if I have; I've blocked it out, pushed it away because if I truly deal with it, it means that I accept that he's gone forever. &I'm not ready to do that.

Happy birthday Daddy. I love you always.
Tags: daddy
samantharazorwireshrine on June 4th, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
Marnie: deertypicalfemale on June 4th, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
*Hugs* I'm sorry Jade. I know from Ed's experience that losing a parent never stops being painful, especially with milestones like birthdays. Reading this made me sad too cause tomorrow's my dad's birthday and I was bitching at Ed about how I'm mad that we live so far away from him now, but I realize how lucky I am that he's here at all. I hope you know that you have been incredibly strong, and while it will never get easier, you are an incredibly resilient woman. And you ARE "dealing with it," but in your own way. You aren't in denial, you're just feeling that he's still with you, which he truly is.
    scarlet's walkkisstheviolets on June 5th, 2009 02:34 pm (UTC)
thankyou ♥
You better bring your own sun, sweet girl...heels_on on June 4th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
*huge, huge hugs*

I wish I could say or do something to make it easier, love. Thinking of you...

    scarlet's walk: ...circular breathingkisstheviolets on June 5th, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
thankyou darling, I appreciate the thoughts ♥
you got you a fast horse darlin': tori pianothebluebells on June 5th, 2009 06:30 am (UTC)
*hugs you*

You know that you are in my thoughts, but even more so today. <3 From what I have read about death & dying, believing that someone is "away" rather than gone is very common--a coping mechanism--and there's nothing wrong with it. And do people ever really leave? I know that my mum has said that she has felt her father with her sometimes, and I really believe that people's energy and spirit can remain here. Which is a nice thought, because it means that we are never alone.

Love you so much xxxxx
    scarlet's walk: ...circular breathingkisstheviolets on June 5th, 2009 02:36 pm (UTC)
thankyou angel (for everything ♥)
I don't think I will ever be ready to let go :-\
werewolf heart ☠ragdollstitches on June 5th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC)
*hugs* I wish I could say something helpful =[ I don't think it's a bad thing to think that we'll see the people we lost again someday, I know that I still think that Clare will be back, even though I know it's not humanly possible; but I hope it's spiritually possible. Thinking of you. <3
    scarlet's walk: abashedkisstheviolets on June 5th, 2009 02:36 pm (UTC)
One day, will you tell me the story about Clare? I don't really know very much about it/her at all.
&thankyou xx
Lily struts in waltz time towards the blindsdansette on June 5th, 2009 12:12 pm (UTC)
Sorry he isn't around for his birthday and for you xx