Fuck, I miss him so much.
&you know... I still really don't believe sometimes that he's gone. It's been more than 2 1/2 years now, &I still think sometimes that he's just away, but not gone. He's still coming back.
I was talking to a friend at work recently, &I told her about Dad dying, and how I just threw myself into work to cope. She said to me, "but you've dealt with it, right?" and I suppose the right answer is that I don't know if I have; I've blocked it out, pushed it away because if I truly deal with it, it means that I accept that he's gone forever. &I'm not ready to do that.
Happy birthday Daddy. I love you always.