scarlet's walk (kisstheviolets) wrote,
scarlet's walk

in one year, all the changes and yet, all the same

Exactly a year ago I wrote His memories will make me smile, but now I'm living in the present. It's time to move on. And it's funny how in a sense, I have moved on, yet all the time, I'm still that same girl. I reread through old journal archives, written admist heartbreak and longing, and discover that while things have changed, they just... feel the same. Not the same guy, not even the same situation, but just that feeling of wishing, hoping, missing people. Christmas seems to bring that out in me.

Even the craziness at work is the same. Perhaps it's nothing ground-breaking - after all, this being the third Christmas I've spent working at Rebel, how different can things be? - but my whole demeanour, smiling, dreaming, thinking, is all recurrent of 2000. Tomorrow I'll be working all day, and I know that in between customers, in between making small chat and counting back change, I'll be forming lines of poetry, song lyrics, musings in my mind, pretending that I'm not really here, and thinking about what comes next in this crazy life. I have journal entries from last year which lay unread for so long, that echo this very sentiment.

It'll be Christmas in just one week. Funny how it hasn't felt like Christmas time at all; yet all I can remember is how things were last year, and how this year seems to be a shadow of the past.

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